Bigger Pictures

And when I was one was just the first son
To carry the burden I was barely a person
My folks were young but committed to keep up their end of the bargain
Protect me from harm and grow a garden
I was loved I was fed might sleep through the night
I was taught how to talk and how to read you from left to right
I learned to argue and fight from a distance
Where my vulnerability gets no recognition
And by the time I was eleven I was already defensive
An extension of environment and reinforced messages
Preemptively believed eventually I’ll be a failure
To my family and friendships
And when you mix it and blend it with contemporary pressures of
Adolescence emphasis on the consensus of
A book full of portraits but didn’t consider
That we’ve been sketching stick figures underneath bigger pictures

And on my twenty-first birthday already had my first born
Baby boy and maybe homie saved my life
But papa kept the motor running I’mma come and see you later
Trying to color up some paper trying to make this right
I realize most experiences are coincidental
But I’ll never let go of these regrets I hold
That’s why the pieces that were missing always felt more special
Better bring some bigger pencils to sketch my soul
But yo when I was thirty-one both ends burning them
Thought that I was lost in the jungle but I was in search of something
Learning how to deconstruct my puzzle
Permanently nervous I was in love with the hustle
The Devil went to Hell just to sell that selfishness
They tried to make me feel important I fell for it
Embarrassment and trepidation plus a healthy dose of
Self imposed limitations over my own illustrations
And when I struggled with the number forty-one
I had a couple more sons and it feel like my real life had just begun
It’s getting harder to translate
It’s likely I’ve already played my part of this landscape
And all of this time I been following my design
Trying to find a little solace in how the stars aligned
It kind of looks like glitter but every pixelated flicker
Gets the proper position in the biggest of pictures
And when I was fifty-one

On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
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On and on and on and on
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On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on